Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went
up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, now
Jill has hired one of the best tort lawyers in town.
Hey Diddle-Diddle
Hey diddle-diddle,
the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon. The little dog laughed to
see such a sight, but soon realized that the weed was giving him a serious case
of the munchies as well.
Baa-baa Black Sheep
Baa-baa black sheep,
have you any wool. Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. One for the master, one
for the dame, and one for the sweatshop located right down the lane.
Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty sat on
a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the King’s horses and all the
King’s men weren’t allowed to touch him because it wasn’t spelled out in their
collective bargaining agreement.
The Old Woman in a
Shoe
There was an old
woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she didn’t know what to
do. That is, until Child Protective Services got involved.
Three Men in a Tub
Rub a dub-dub, three folks in a tub, and who do you think
they be? A politician, an environmentalist, a corporate elitist, all waiting
for the global rise of the seas.
Jack be Nimble
Jack wasn’t so nimble. Jack wasn’t that quick. The folks at
the ER stated that he suffered 2nd and 3rd degree burns
because of a candlestick.
Jack Spratt
Jack Spratt could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean.
Their primary care doctor fixed them up with a registered dietician, an idea that
they thought was pretty keen.
London Bridge
London Bridge is falling down,
falling down, falling down. London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady.
They sold it at a cut rate price,
cut rate price, cut rate price. They sold it at a cut rate price, my fair lady.
Now it’s in Lake Havasu, Havasu, Havasu, Havasu. Now it’s in
Lake Havasu, my fair lady.
Rock-a-bye Baby
Rock-a-bye baby in the treetop. When the wind blows, the
cradle will rock. When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall…… did anyone here
NOT see that one coming?
Simple Simon
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man “let me taste your ware.”
Sid the pie man to Simple Simon “get the f#@k outta here!”
Little Miss Muffet
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and
whey.
Along came a spider and sat down beside her, and that was
the end of his day!
Little Miss Muffet (pandemic style)
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and
whey.
Along came a spider and sat down beside her, which caused
her to tell it to get the F-away.
